


Why I Never Left London

by winchestersdoitbetter



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Drama, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-27 05:45:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8389525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchestersdoitbetter/pseuds/winchestersdoitbetter
Summary: Poppy Ferarro, now CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation, reflects on why she didn't leave London after University, and why the reasons that kept her there mean nothing now.





	1. The Beginning

“Right, thats the last of them.” I said quietly, looking up at my mum and sister from behind my hair.

“Be safe, please.” My mum whispered quietly, and I pulled her in for a hug to stop myself from crying.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Liz joked, the usual cheeky glint in her eye a memory, replaced with the look she got when I told her I got into Westminster Uni, the look that had remained there since August 18th, when I got my results.

I had been too late signing up for halls, so mum had gotten me a flat in Soho, but it was only for the first 2 months, during which time I had to find a new flat. I had already seen a few in my price range, but they were all with other people and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to live with someone else who wasn’t at Uni like me, or just starting out. There was one, about a 5 minute walk from the tube station, where the old tennant was leaving because the next door neighbors were ‘too noisy’. I had originally wanted that one but my mother said she wanted me to have a quiet flat in order to study.

My mum and sister left shortly after I unpacked, with suppressed tears and whispered guidance. I already had one friend, a girl living opposite me who had just graduated Uni, and was a youtuber. She wasn’t as popular as Zoella or anything, but she had just over 100,000 subscribers which I thought was really cool. Her name was Vienna, and she was born in Italy but moved to Derbyshire when she was 4 years old. She had gorgeous tanned skin and chocolate brown hair and eyes, perfect bone structure and a slim figure. We looked sorta alike, although my hair was icy platinum and I had green eyes, so I guess just our skin colour and figures matched.

The first few weeks were lonely, but Vienna really helped me through it. I appeared in a few of her videos, and when she suggested I start a channel, I brushed it away with a notion of not having a decent camera.

After a month and a half, I decided to take that flat with the noisy neighbours. It was spacious and immaculate, and the neighbours sounded like lads, so as long as they were fit I didn’t mind.

One night, Vienna and I were getting ready for a night out, we had Rihanna on the Sonos and my bed looked like a fucking MAC counter. I was a MACaholic, owning almost every product, despite their animal testing. I did feel bad, but "Soft & Gentle”’s glow drew me in. When we left the flat, dressed to the nines in body con dresses and thigh high boots, we almost ran into my neighbours, something I had been trying to do for weeks, when Vienna declared she forgot her phone. So, the prospect of fit lads forgotten, I was dragged back in to take selfies by Vienna’s lighting, which she had brought with her. Prick.

The club was loud and hot, with bodies everywhere and sticky floors and some Martin Garrix song thumping in my ears. It was electrifying; addictive, and I never wanted it to end. After a couple Vodka Lemonades and maybe a shot or two, I saw him; completely spaced out, hair flying everywhere, cigarette behind his ear. Jack Fucking Maynard. I was in the same club as Jack Maynard, and I looked fit as fuck. I quietly let Enna know, who proceeded to leave my side, because ‘if he’s here so is Conor, and I want a piece of that.’. I knew he had seen me; he had that look they all got, sort of glazed over and hungry.

It took 20 minutes of eye fucking for him to get the picture and strut - yes, strut - his way towards me, by which time I also had the attention of his tall, ginger friend Josh, who was looking away and looking back at me every ten seconds or so. When he reached me, that I’m Jack-Fucking-Maynard smirk plastered on his lips and a Vodka Coke in his hand, I oh-so-surprisingly got a text, which was actually pretty surprising because it was a garbled mess from Vienna which definitely had the words ‘Conor’, ‘shag’ and ‘taxi’ in them.

"Hi.” He purred - no, yelled, it was really bloody loud in there, no one could purr in that fucking club - and I smirked, did he really think his normal routine would work?

"Is that the best you’ve got?” I replied, whilst Instasizing a photo of my cat, Jubilee, that my mother had sent me earlier in the day.

“No, but you’ll have to buy me a drink before I open my Playbook.”

“Okay, Barney Stinson, I’m guessing you’re not a single malt kind of guy? More like a Glens Vodka kind of guy?”

His smile was wicked, and maybe I could see this going somewhere. Oh who was I kidding, I was going to shag him regardless of his chat. He looked incredible; black skinnies and a white shirt that fit him in all the right places, which gave off a chilled vibe, but also an expensive pair of shoes which showed he wasn’t too cool to buy you a drink.

“Hey hey, don’t judge a book by its cover! I’ll have a Pornstar.” He smiled to the bartender, and I pointed two fingers at him to show I wanted one aswell.

“I think you’ve taken my offer of a drink as more than it is, Mr Maynard.” He smirked that fucking smirk again, and looked up at me through those lashes which must have mascara on them.

“So you know who I am, then?”

“I mean, who wouldn’t recognise Conor Maynard’s brother when they saw him?” I smiled, but secretly I was nervous as shit, what if I just blew my chances?

“Well played, Ms. Ferarro.” Shit.

“So you know who I am then?”

“Well, your mother is a multi-billionaire who owns one of the fastest growing Fortune 500 companies in the world, so yes. I do.”

Okay, this was okay. He was a famous youtuber, I was the heiress to a Fortune 500 corporation. I couldn’t decide who had more to lose from us sleeping together, so I figured we both had nothing to lose.

"Wanna fuck?”

“You should have just asked.” The cab ride was all teeth and skin and hands, and it was only when we stopped I noticed that we had stopped outside my building.

Oh shit. Oh shit, Oh god, Oh sweet baby jesus.

Could it be?

And yet my worst fears were realised when Jack and I finally got to his flat…right next door to my fucking flat.

I’m pretty sure I said something, yeah. I said something.

But the rest of the night was moans and sweat and ’SHUT THE FUCK UP JACK IM TRYING TO SLEEP’ then giggles and whispered goodnights and ‘can I wear this?'. 

 

~

 

Sunlight streamed through the window, and why didn’t I close the curtains? I rolled over, my arm brushing over something hard, and smooth, but with tiny bumps. I opened my eyes and remembered, remembered everything about the night before. And honestly, it wasn’t a regret.

I got up, still wearing Jack’s shirt, and padded into the kitchen I had seen countless times on vlogs and videos made by the man who’s bed I slept in and his best friends. As I got nearer, I heard voices and laughter and shit, it was too late because I was already in frame.

“Shit, sorry lads.” I chuckled, shaking my head at Josh’s stunned face and Conor’s smirk.

“So you’re last night’s conquest. You were very loud young lady.” Conor scolded, eyes shining with something I couldn’t quite decipher.

“Well a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do, atleast that’s what my momma taught me.” I giggled, opening random cupboards until I found a glass, and searching the fridge for orange juice, which was actually there, surprisingly.

“And who is your mother? I must meet her!” Conor’s reply was loud, and a groan sounded from Jack’s room.

“SHHH! You’ll wake the princess!” I whined, settling on the arm of the sofa next to a still stunned Josh. “And you can Google her. Theresa Ferarro.” I waited as tapping was heard from Conor’s laptop, and there it was, the surprised gasp and the excited ‘noo!’

“Yep.”

“So where do you live? Do you need cab fare home?” Josh finally spoke and shit, I had to go home. To next door. Where I lived.

“No she doesn’t do you, Poppy?” Conor answered Josh’s question for me, eyes flickering to the Wikipedia page to get my name. His smile was smug and triumphant and shittttt.

"No. I live next door. Just moved in. How did you know?” I said, somewhat sheepishly, before turning my gaze from the floor to Conor.

"I saw you leaving the other day, but you didn’t see me.” He had a satisfied smile on his face, and suddenly I remembered.

“Vienna.” I announced, and I swear I heard the wind rush past Conor’s ears as he turned to face me.

“What?” He questioned, eyes wide.

“Josh?” He turned to look at me, and don’t think I missed his eyes rake over my body.

“Which room is Conor’s?”

“Second on the left.” Josh replied, with a smirk. I was at the door in a second, and I opened it to see a completely unconscious Vienna, hair splayed out on Conor’s pillow and lips parted.

“Vi, Wake up!” I said quietly, shaking her slightly as Conor appeared at the door. She stirred slowly, smiling when she saw me and smirking when she saw Conor at the door.

“I fucked Conor Maynard.”

“Well I fucked Jack Maynard so I guess we’re even."


	2. My Love

 

“I fucked Conor Maynard.”

 

“Well I fucked Jack Maynard so I guess we’re even.”

 

“I didn’t fuck anyone, so I think you need to compensate.”

 

“Shut up, Josh!” That was Vienna, Conor and I at the same time. Josh grinned and left the room, while Conor and I found Vienna something to wear. Conor gave me the option of going home to change, but to be honest, Jack’s shirt was warm and soft and maybe I liked the thought of him seeing me in it. Just a little.

 

“I’d better stay with Vienna, chase away that hangover. And I’m not having her vomit in my flat, so she can vomit here if she needs it.” I replied, shooting Conor a smile before leaving the room to grab my phone.

 

Jack was fast asleep when I entered the room, and the sunlight was closing in on his face. I closed the curtains as fast as I could and reached over Jack’s sleeping form, pausing only to note the small smile playing on his lips, and the way his chest rose and fell with each intake of breath, and that little piece of hair that drifted across his forehead, and the fact that the hem of his t-shirt had ridden up slightly, exposing his v-lines and…..

 

Suddenly, I was tripping on my shoe and falling, face first, into Jack’s stomach. At first, I thought I was safe, there was no interruption in his breathing and I couldn’t hear him stir. But then, a chuckle, and a hand in my hair. 

 

“Morning, Klutzy McGee.” His morning voice was  _everything._  


 

“Morning, Snore-y McGee.” I propped myself up on my elbows, and I was met with a cheeky grin and sleep-filled eyes.

 

“I’m so sorry for waking you up, Jack. I just came to get my phone because Vienna’s hungover and Conor is shit at taking care of people.” I apologized, but Jack just laughed. 

 

“I’ve been awake for like 20 minutes, Love. And I saw you checking out my abs.” He replied, a smug smile on his face. 

 

“Well what are you going to do about it?” My counter was smooth, almost as smooth as the move he made to secure my position. Underneath him. 

 

We were just getting into the  _swing_ of things when Conor barged into the room. 

 

“I’m going to get some Alka-Seltzer and Ibuprofen, do you guys wa- HOLY SHIT, YOU’RE FUCKING. THEY’RE FUCKING!” Conor’s scream was enough to attract Vienna  _and_ Josh to the door. 

 

Jack pulled out quicker than I could scramble for the duvet, and Josh left, red faced, followed by Vienna and Conor, who were jeering and shouting like there was no tomorrow. 

 

Nevertheless, we finished our,  _activity,_ before Conor got home, and I was just in the shower when I heard them talking about me. 

 

“She’s hot, Jack.”

 

“I know, mate. But she’s also, kind of, effortless. I mean, she’s so much cooler than I am. She’s a fucking Ferarro! She’s out of my league.”

 

I smiled to myself, I knew my name carried weight, but maybe Jack was the guy to live up to it? But did I want a relationship? Would it make me look weak, especially just before I was set to inherit the company? I shook the thoughts out of my head as I shook the droplets of water from my hair, and the only thoughts that remained were ones of Jack’s hands in my hair and his moans at my ears. 

 

~

 

“There she is! How was your shower? Your hair looks amazing, do you want lunch?” Conor was being overly affectionate, and Vienna looked completely fine. Then, I studied them a little more. Vienna was grinning like the Cheshire Cat, and Conor could hardly look at me without smirking.

 

“I have to tell him now, don’t I?” I groaned, and Conor’s smirk grew wider. 

 

“Tell me what?” A voice sounded behind me, and I turned to see Jack stood in the lounge, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. 

 

“I live next door.” I squeaked, eyes half closed because I  _really_ didn’t want to see his reaction. 

 

“Seriously?” He wasn’t mad. I focused my gaze on him, only to find that he was grinning. Wide. Like, ear to ear wide. 

 

“Yeah.”

 

“This is amazing! We can hang out now, and I’ve seen some of Vienna’s videos, collabs with Joe and Caspar could really help her get more views!” Jack replied, and I started grinning too, along with Vienna and Conor. I found myself getting wrapped in Jack’s arms, and he obviously had a shower too, because he smelled like that awesome ‘Start Bay’ shower gel by Jack Wills. 

 

“Mmmf, you smell so good.” I whispered into his shoulder, and I could feel his smile against my skin. 

 

“You don’t smell too bad yourself, I mean you are wearing my aftershave.” I honestly thought he might not notice. Oh well, I was busted. 

 

“I love Tommy Hilfiger, fuck off.” 

 

The day moved by in a lazy fashion, during which time Jack, Vienna and myself filmed a video for each of their channels, we ate lunch, played Fifa (I thrashed Josh) and then, something wonderful happened.

 

_Joe Sugg and Caspar Lee walked through the door._

 

I swear to god, my heart jumped out of its bone cage. They entered, hands intertwined, a joke on Joe’s lips and a laugh on Caspar’s. As I turned my head towards Vienna, Caspar leant down to plant a chaste kiss to Joe’s lips, and I think I might’ve spontaneously combusted. 

 

“Uh, lads. We have company.” Josh coughed, and it seemed as though a bubble burst in the two boy’s heads. 

 

“Shit. Well, um…” Caspar trailed off, so I decided to jump in. I got up off the couch and walked over to them, shooting Jack a smile as I did. 

 

“Hi. I’m Poppy. That’s my friend Vienna. I know how important it is to keep your private life private, so we’d be happy to keep your secret, as long as you never stop being as cute as you are.” I’m not sure why, but I felt really at ease with these two lads, like they would never make me feel awkward or anything. 

 

I visibly saw Joe’s shoulders relax. He smiled at me, and then Vienna, and held out his hand to me. I shook it, and saw the flicker of recognition in his eyes before his mouth formed a perfect ‘O’. 

 

“Hi, I’m Joe. And you’re Poppy Ferarro.” 

 

“Yep, and you have 7 million subscribers.” 

 

Caspar didn’t say much at first, but as the day went by, he became more and more animated. 

 

“You’re a youtuber? Thats cool, how many subs?” He practically shouted at Vienna when she mentioned the video we had filmed earlier that day.

 

“Uh, just over 100,000. It’s not that big of a deal, really.” Vienna replied, blushing to her ears and smiling up at the South African. 

 

“That’s a lot of subscribers, Vienna. We’ll have to collab sometime.” Joe replied, and Vi just smiled and snuggled into Conor. 

 

At about 6PM, I decided I should go and change my clothes, as we were all going for some dinner. I fumbled at my lock for about 3 minutes before realizing I had the key the wrong way up. I just touched up the makeup I had applied for the video, and changed Jack’s Adidas shirt for a maroon velvet bralet and a black bomber jacket, and put some heeled boots on. Vienna changed into a checkered midi skirt and a white blouse, re did her makeup and we locked up and headed next door. 

 

“Did you bring my shirt back?” Was the first thing Jack said to me as I entered the flat.

 

“Yes I did, and whilst you were in the kitchen I put it in the washing machine.” I answered, ignoring the calls of ‘wifey’ and ‘thanks mummy’ and insisting we should go. We ate at a Tapas bar called PIX in Covent Garden, and made friends with the bartender, Lara, who actually went to the same school as me, and had a younger sister two years above mine. We ate too much, drank too much, and sang way too loud, but we returned to the lads’ flat at around 10, and decided to stay up and drink  _more_ alcohol. Yeah, that was a good idea. 

 

“LETS PLAY NEVER HAVE I EVER!” Joe screamed, grabbing two bottles of vodka and a heap of shot glasses. Everyone had 7 shots in front of them, and the aim was obviously to have as many shots as possible left at the end. 

 

Josh went first. 

 

“I have never ever had a threesome.”

 

Vienna, Jack, Joe, Caspar, Conor and myself  _all drank._  


“Shit, guys.” Josh remarked, looking glumly down at his shots. 

 

“Hey Josh, maybe sometime.” I whispered, sending him a wink, despite Jack’s scowl.

 

Then, Oli walked in, so we decided he should go next. 

 

“Never have I ever had sex with anyone in this room.”

 

Everyone except Oli himself drank.

 

“Okay, so Poppy and myself, Conor and Vienna, and Joe and Caspar I get, but who have you slept with here, Josh?”

 

Josh and Caspar exchanged guilty looks, which everyone caught. A chorus of voices went up at once, all shouting and laughing and ‘oh my god’-ing. 

 

“It was once, and it was awful, okay? I was off my face on coke.” Josh explained, but Jack still took the piss for the rest of the night.

 

At the end of I Have Never Ever, I had 2 shots left (‘Never have I ever had gay sex’ and ‘Never have I ever tossed off Conor Maynard’), Jack had 1 left (‘It was once when I was 12, piss off Josh’), Vienna had 1, Joe had 1, Oli had 3, Conor had 1, and Caspar had none left. 

 

It was at this point I decided we were too drunk and needed to go to bed. Joe and Caspar sloped off to my flat, keys in hand, Josh and Oli slept in Josh’s bed, and myself and Vienna slept in the same beds we had the night before. 

 

It was barely 30 seconds before Jack’s lips were at my neck, nipping and sucking what I knew was going to be a dark love bite. Before it could go any further, I pushed him off and sat up in bed. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Jack asked, brow furrowed with concern.

 

“If we have sex, that’ll be three times.” I reminded him, and his face softened. 

 

“The rule. I get it, you don’t want a relationship.” He replied, and my heart sped up.

 

“Wait, no. Thats not it, I thought you didn’t want a relationship.” 

 

“Well I think you’re super cool, and I’d like to get to know you.”

 

So I left my worries behind, much like my underwear on Jack’s wooden floorboards.

 


	3. Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> <3

The next four days went by almost exactly the same; I went to uni, hung out with Vienna, went to work and then went out or stayed in with Jack. Unfortunately, on Sunday, something completely and utterly shitty happened: Jack’s video went up.

Now normally this would be a pretty average, maybe even happy occasion. I loved Jack’s videos, and prior to it’s upload, I was excited to see myself on his channel. However, due to my stupidity, I forgot to take off Jack’s shirt, and it was one he wore in videos a lot.

Within mere hours of the video going live, comments about my fashion choices were flooding in  
to Jack’s, Vienna's and my own Twitter, both videos, my Instagram, and basically every youtube related tag on Tumblr.

@millyythompson:  
okay she’s pretty but why is @Poppy_Ferarro wearing @Jack_Maynard23 ’s shirt??!! Did they sleep together? I know he said they’re neighbours but are they a little ‘too friendly’??

@joshpietersye:  
what a slaaggggggggggg @ViVi_Rossi @Poppy_Ferarro @Jack_Maynard23 have some fucking class whore #ijs

@daisyjotaylor:  
guys chill, I went to school with @Poppy_Ferarro, she’s sound as fuck. THAT SHIRT LOOKS FINE AF ON U POPTART!

  
I retweeted Daisy, replied to a couple people saying that Jack and I were just friends, closed my laptop and was about to make a move to go see the lads when there was a knock at my door. I got up, groaning, and opened the door to see Seb, my mothers second-in-command and GBF, leaning against the door in full Gucci.

“SEBBIE!” I screamed, almost picking him off the ground in my excitement. Jack was in the hallway instantly.

“Pop? Is everything okay? Is this extremely well dressed, well groomed man bothering you?” He asked, smile on his lips.

“Yeah, this is Seb, he’s been a friend of the family for years. Seb, this is Jack, my neighbour and, uh, love interest?” I ended with a question, but Jack’s smile confirmed this term.

“Sebastian Roberts, a pleasure.” Seb had gorgeous red hair and bone structure to die for. Introductions finished, Seb and I headed out for some lunch at Brasserie Zedel, followed by an epic shopping spree.

To my displeasure, but not surprise, Seb had to leave at 4pm for a meeting with my mother.

“Give her my best.” I whispered as he hugged me goodbye.  
“Always.” He replied and was gone, in a flurry of bags and auburn hair.

~

The media storm still hadn’t died down after a few hours, and I felt I needed to tell my own side of the story. So, I explained my idea to Jack, he okay’ed it and even offered to let me borrow his camera, but I had been planning on buying a new camera for a while anyway. I loved photography, and London was filled with beautiful things, not to mention the way the light filtered into Jack’s room in the mornings provided the perfect lighting for idyllic duvet pics.

So I went out and bought a Canon EOS 6D, thanking Jesus for my mother’s wealth, some lighting and a microphone. I would have borrowed Jack’s stuff, but he was already letting me use his flat and his channel, and maybe I would start a youtube channel if this went well.

I decided to leave it unedited, it was more real that way. I sat down on a chair, waited for Jack to press record, looked straight down the lens and began to talk.

“Hi, so most of you will know me from Jack’s recent video, and some will know me from Vienna’s channel, where I have a lot of fun. But right now, I wanna talk about this whole T-Shirt issue. As you can tell, I’m in Jack, Josh and Conor’s flat, and -“

“Poppy! Do you want anything from the shop?” Conor yelled, coming into frame and realising too late what was happening.

“Fuck, sorry.” He apologised, but I told him it was fine, I wasn’t editing anything out and I wanted the video to be real.

“Can you get me some milk? I’ve run out, and some ice cream for the movie later? Cookie Dough is fine.” I replied, going to hand him some money but he had already left. The interruption forgotten, I turned back to the camera and Jack gave me a warm smile.

“Sorry about that, anyway, I’m in the boys’ flat, not my own, because I’ve been here basically all day, and my heating has broken and its October. Anyway, so there’s been this whole internet thing because in Jack’s recent video, I wore his shirt. So, and we’re not going to lie to you, we slept together. I met him when I was out a few days ago, and it wasn’t until we got back to his flat that I realized he was my neighbour. But we’ve put it behind us and we are just mates. So, everyone can chill.” I told the story slowly, looking up to see if Jack was still nodding along, which he was. We had decided to hold off on going public with the fact that we were seeing each other, in case it didn’t work out.

My piece said, Jack got up and sat down next to me.

“Thanks for watching this video guys, I still love all of you and I hope you aren’t angry or anything with Poppy or Vienna. I’ve seen some pretty shitty things being said about the two of them, and I want anyone who’s saying those things to stop. Thank you for watching, I’m going back to my normal schedule after this video!” He signed off, turned off the camera and padded into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

“Get me one?” I requested, smiling cheekily at him. When he got back, we sat side by side on the sofa, my head on his shoulder and his hand in mine. I never knew back then, but I would remember that moment for the rest of my life. How, in that moment, it was simple, and there was nothing standing in the way of my happiness.

Sadly, that was all about to change, and the volatility of mine and Jack’s forthcoming relationship would break me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its really short, but i just wanted to get it posted XD


	4. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING** graphic(ish) smut
> 
> just letting u know <3

For weeks Jack and I were happy and peaceful. We were still getting to know each other, and we hadn’t gone public yet, but it seemed like we were getting there. In November, after 2 months of dating, we were photographed together in Covent Garden, but we played it off as us just being friends and neighbours. 

 

Vienna and Conor didn’t end up getting together, but they became friends closer than even me and Vienna. They spent all of their time together, to the point where Vienna actually just moved into my spare room. Conor and I had joked about switching flats a thousand times, and I was really starting to feel like I had a family. I spent most of my time with, aside from Jack and Vienna, Mikey and Josh, and we had a standing Thursday lunch date at McDonalds, after my lecture on Regent Street. Mikey was like my big brother, and Josh was, well, a little bit of fun when Jack wasn’t around. I never did anything with him, but we would flirt when we were sober and  _flirt_ when we were drunk. 

 

One day, when Jack was in a meeting with his management, we crossed the line. We were sitting in Josh’s living room, my head in his lap like we had lay many times before, watching Gossip Girl. I was dressed in my CK bra and some Nike shorts, as we had just been to the gym together. He was playing with my hair and I was trying to focus on Dan and Serena’s turbulent relationship, which Josh’s long fingers in my hair was making very difficult. In a particularly seductive scene, Josh’s grip on my hair hardened, and I felt him tug slightly, something he knew turned me on. 

 

“Josh?”

 

“Mm?”

 

“What are you doing?” 

 

I turned around to look at him and within seconds of registering his lust-blown pupils my lips were on his. This was new and hot and Josh’s lips were rough and I could feel the power of his muscles lifting me off the sofa. He had me in his arms, against the wall, attacking my neck with his lips, leaving bruises on my hips where his fingers were digging into the soft skin. What really got me were his words. Muttered profanities mixed with superlatives describing my body, or my face, or how he felt about me. It was then I realised: Josh was in love with me. 

 

I’ll tell you this for free: being wanted, especially by more than one person, is a wonderful feeling. I was selfish and hedonistic when I was younger, so I let Josh mark my neck, whispering those beautiful words. 

 

It seemed like forever before someone walked in. When they did, Josh’s shorts were around his ankles and my bra and shorts were laying, discarded, on the floor. My legs were wrapped around his waist, and he had me against the wall for support, thrusting in and out harder than Jack ever had. We had only seconds to register the sound of Conor humming to himself, but we were too in the moment to stop. So Conor found us, breathless, just as Josh pulled out and released, white ribbons coating my stomach.

 

“What the fuck did I just witness? Jack is in his fucking bedroom!” Conor hissed, and my eyebrows furrowed. 

 

“He’s in a meeting with management, Con.” I replied, but Conor didn’t seem any happier.

 

“Oh so that makes it okay?! Tell me this hasn’t happened before.” 

 

I shook my head, still breathing heavily, and saw Josh do the same next to me. 

 

“Look, Conor, mate, it just happened, it doesn’t mean anything.” Josh finally found his voice, and it was steady, as if he’d rehearsed it. 

 

“I promise it’ll never happen again, please don’t tell him.” I pleaded, and Conor nodded, face hard. 

 

“Only because you’re good for him. But you two? You’re both too damn smart to be good for each other. If you pursue this, it will ruin the lives of everyone around you, do you understand?” Conor warned, giving me one last scowl before disappearing upstairs.  

 

“Shit.” I breathed, the realisation of what I had done crashing into me, violent waves on helpless rocks. 

 

“Yeah, that could have been Jack.” Josh replied, a smirk on his lips. It disgusted me.

 

“No, shit because I just fucked my boyfriend’s best friend, and his brother now hates me!” I yelled, snatching up my clothes and putting them on before running out of the flat and slamming the door. 

 

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, my heart beating a mile a minute and my breathing erratic. I heard Josh come after me, and was soon being wrapped in his arms, his hands on my back, telling me it was okay, that he was sorry for what he said, that Jack would be back any moment and I could tell him if I wanted to, anything to stop me crying. 

 

We sat there, in the corridor, for about 20 minutes, my head in the crook of his neck and his thumbs rubbing circles in between my shoulder blades. Over and over I tried to tell him we should go our separate ways, but I never made it to the end of my sentence. My brain was too fried, my muscles too tired of fighting this obvious static energy that held the two of us together. The heat on my skin when he touched me was too hot, the feeling I got when he smiled too strong, the laughter he caused too loud. It would be a supernova, hot and bright but short. Too powerful to last.

 

Suddenly, I was broken from my thoughts by the sound of Jack and Josh talking. 

 

“Hey, Pop. Are you okay?” He asked gingerly, and I nodded, getting up off of the floor and giving him a hug. 

 

“Lunch?” I asked, and he nodded.

 

“Josh, you wanna come?” Josh shook his head, mumbling something about editing. I shot him a smile, my stomach flipping when he did the same.

 

I was in way over my head, but I decided I liked drowning.


	5. Those Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the madness continues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg I'm already halfway through chapter 6 so I'm on top of this shit yehsss
> 
>  
> 
> also its reeeealllllyyyyyy long

My guilt continued to build throughout the next few days, and Conor was being extremely icy with me. Whenever I said anything, he would make a snide remark about me, then pretend it was ‘just banter’. I mean, I wasn’t that bothered, I deserved it, but Jack was becoming increasingly suspicious. 

 

“Why is Conor being such a dick?” He had asked on Thursday, but I just shrugged it off, saying we always insulted each other like that. 

 

I felt so awful every time I even looked at Josh; we had stopped hanging out, but every time I left Jack’s room I had to check if he was around, just so we were never alone together. 

 

The time had come for Gleam’s Christmas Party, and Jack and I had decided to go public with our relationship at his first Gleam party. I had a really hard time choosing a dress, because I was the type of person to show skin and wear more risqué clothing, but the parties always looked like they were more conservative. 

 

In Caspar’s words, ‘Don’t wear anything too Instagram Baddie.’ 

 

Unfortunately, that applied to almost my entire wardrobe. Eventually, I just thought fuck it, and bought a burgundy body con dress from Pretty Little Thing. It was a midi dress, and had choker detail and a cut out across the upper stomach area. It was really pretty, and I deliberately had it delivered to Jack’s flat so I could open it in front of him. 

 

“Theres a package here for you.” He had said as soon as I answered the phone. 

 

“Okay, two secs.” I replied, hanging up and changing my underwear to my new lace bustier and matching thong, before putting my hoodie and gym shorts on over the top. 

 

As I entered Jack’s room, I was smacked with my package. A fit of giggles overcame Jack, his face bright red. I tore open the package, Jack still pissing himself, told him it was my dress for the party, and proceeded to take my hoodie and shorts off.

 

That fucking shut him up.

 

“I-is…uh, is th-that-“ 

 

“Get your words out Gareth Gates.”

 

He looked at me, pupils blown, and I just smirked and nodded. 

 

“Yes, it’s new. Now, I need to try on my dress.” Jack just sat there, staring, as I stepped into my dress and pulled it over my bustier, which created a great silhouette for the dress. When I needed Jack to zip me up, he said nothing, just wordlessly closed the zip and sat back down. I walked up and down the room for a minute before deciding to have some real fun. I took my dress of and hung it on Jack’s clothes rack. I had brought a pair of heels with me, so I slipped them on, wearing only my underwear, and walked from the room, swaying my hips. In my haste to tease Jack, I forgot check to see if Josh was around. 

 

And he was. 

 

He was sitting on the sofa, phone to his ear, when I walked down the hall. Upon seeing me, he dropped his phone, and we neither of us took any notice as it clattered to the ground, too fixated on one another to care. God, I forgot how beautiful he looked with the morning sun on his skin. Feeling flirty, I just sashayed over to him, bent down, picked up his phone and handed it to him, nicking a joint and lighter off of the coffee table in the process. He tried to protest, but it was as if he had lost the ability to speak.

 

It was freezing outside, so I grabbed my grey fur coat from the back of the sofa and slipped it on before disappearing onto the balcony. The cold bit at my legs, but I stretched them out nonetheless, leaning my forearms on the edge of the balcony wall, and spread my legs slightly. I lit my spliff and, burning the twist first, took a long drag. I heard someone come out behind me and, judging from the amount of time they spent looking at my arse, it was Josh. 

 

“That’s mine.” He remarked, coming to stand next to me, stealing the blunt from my hand and inhaling. I felt his arm snake around my waist as he handed me back the joint, and blew smoke in my face. 

 

“We get it, you vaaaape!” I teased, yelling when he lifted me off of the ground, causing my legs to flail about. 

 

“Josh, Jack’s in his room.” I warned, mouth turning up at the corners. 

 

“He’s gone for a shower.” Josh mumbled his reply, coming closer to me, leaning in, closing the distance. His lips touched mine for what must have been only a second before the front door slammed. I moved away from him and took another drag before moving myself to the egg chair. Conor came skulking out onto the balcony, presumably because he smelled the weed. 

 

“Gimme that.” Was the first thing he said to me.

 

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Was the second, and “It better not be for him.” Was the third, with a head jerk to Josh. 

 

“No, I was trying on a dress, and I knew Josh had weed, so while Jack’s in the shower we’re taking our chance." Jack smoked cigarettes from time to time, and did the odd narcotic in the club, but he hated it when I smoked weed, especially with Conor. 

 

So, for 10 minutes, everything was normal. We made jokes about the fact that Josh couldn’t smoke, blew smoke in each others faces, and generally forgot the secret we held between us. Then, when the roach was burnt out and the butt had been flicked off the balcony, Conor shot me a look which said ‘this doesn’t make us okay’, kissed my cheek and went upstairs. 

 

“He’s weird.” 

 

“We’re the weird ones.”

 

“I guess.”

 

~

 

Josh and I didn’t speak after that until the day of the Christmas party. For the journey, I just wore a white ‘dangerous woman’ sweatshirt and some yoga leggings, my hair in a loose ponytail. We travelled to the event in silence, Jack and I holding hands in the back while Josh sat in the front. We were staying over in this beautiful hotel, and Josh was sharing a room with Joe and Caspar was sharing a room with Marcus. Jack decided to vlog the party, and we revealed our relationship while in our hotel room. 

 

“So, the reason I haven’t said who I’m sharing with is because it’s part of an announcement that I need to make. I’m seeing someone. This girl, she’s amazing. I actually can’t find the words to describe her beauty, or how she makes me feel. You know her, she’s been on my channel before, and we’re really happy. Poppy? C’mere.” Jack motioned for me to join him in front of the camera, and as I did, he put his arm around me, and Ieant into his side. 

 

“This will have already been on my snapchat, but I wanted to say it in the vlog. We’re gonna get ready now, so yeah.” He turned off the camera and pulled out his phone, opening snapchat. I did the same.

 

“How do we do this?” He questioned, and a thought popped into my head. 

 

“Lets take a picture of each other, put it in black and white, and put the caption ‘boyfriend’ for me and ‘girlfriend’ for you?” I answered, grinning when he nodded and held his phone up to take a picture of me.  I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just looked into the camera, popped a hip and held a peace sign up. He snapped the picture and, swiping the filters across and adding the caption, added it to his story.

 

“I’m so nervous oh my god.” He chittered, smiling into my phone as I took my pic of him. Alterations made, I sent the photo to my story, and my streaks, before locking my phone and throwing it onto the bed.

 

Within seconds I wrapped Jack in my arms, breathing in his scent and reminding myself of everything I had, and not to fuck it up by pursuing Josh. 

 

After 20 minutes, both of our Twitters were blowing up, and there was even a Sugarscape article. Jack issued a tweet saying I was, in fact, his girlfriend, and I retweeted it, and filmed a video for my snapchat.

 

“Hey guys, so my last snap was, as some people are saying, cryptic. I thought it was pretty clear TBH.” The video ended and I added it to my story, swiping back to the camera to film another one.

 

“Yes, Jack is my boyfriend, and yes, we are very happy!” I exclaimed, putting a cute sticker on the video before storying it and putting my getting ready playlist on. 

 

“DROPPED OUTTA SCHOOL NOW WE DUMB RICH!” Jack screamed the second Pop Style came on, so I skipped it - and fucking Jumpman came on. 

 

All Drake skipped, I got ready for the party. My makeup was full beauty-blogger, flawless skin, purple smokey eye and burgundy lip, as I was going to be at a party with Tanya Burr, my favourite makeup artist of all time. I wore my dress with heeled ankle boots and a gold cuff on my wrist. I had my grey fur coat and a grey furry clutch to match. Once Jack was ready, we made our way to where the party was, a gorgeous hall with gilded ceiling art and huge windows along each side.

 

The night was incredible, everyone was so nice to me, despite the fact that I wasn't really supposed to be there, and didn’t know a lot of people, but as soon as they saw I was Jack’s girlfriend and how close Caspar, Joe and I were they warmed up to me, and after Zoe gave me a hug and told me she loved my dress and Alfie twirled me around like an older brother, I was their best friend. I guess the king and queen had spoken. 

 

Josh had been steadily drinking since 5pm, so by 9, he was absolutely plastered. 

 

“POPPY! Come to the toilet with me!” He slurred, and I shot Jack a ’sorry’ smile and followed him. Jack understood, when Josh was this drunk it wasn’t safe for him to be on his own. He stumbled down a narrow hallway before sitting down on a loveseat, and when I reached him, he pulled me down so I was perched precariously atop his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, and I giggled as he breathed onto my neck.

 

“I thought you needed the toilet…” I chuckled, whining in the back of my throat when he pressed a kiss to the back of my neck. 

 

“Mmmph, just an excuse to see you alone.” He replied, turning me around so I was straddling him and leaning to kiss me.

 

“Josh, w-“

 

“I love you.”

 

“You’re drunk.”

 

“It doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

 

I looked into his eyes, those big, hopeful hazel eyes with just a tiny fleck of green here and there and - 

No. This was wrong. I loved Jack, why was I having the feelings for Josh? Did I love him? What I felt for Josh was so different to what I felt for Jack, it was so much more intense, and volatile than the safety I had with Jack. 

 

“I love you too.”

 

I saw the light in his eyes grow stronger, I felt his heart speed up under my fingers, heard the hitch in his breath. When he kissed me, I could taste every part of him, every destructive thought, every blazing argument, every earth shaking orgasm, every jaw stretching smile. 

 

“But I love him as well.” 

 

Even in his intoxicated state, I knew Josh understood. He nodded slowly, retracted his arms from around my waist and pressed a soft kiss to my temple. I shifted off him and we returned to the party, after re-applying my lipstick of course.

 

The night went on without a hitch, and when Jack and I stumbled back to our room, hands all over each other, I saw Josh’s eyes sweep over us, and I saw him reach into his pocket for whatever would make him forget this time.


End file.
